"You Give Me 2 Points, Imma Slap The Shit Out Of You" - Steve Smith, Who Is Now Like Every Other Fantasy Football Owner In America
We see it every single week. Every time a player in the NFL has a shit game, you can search their name on Twitter and they’re going to have an endless list of people absolutely shitting on the guy for ruining their week for fantasy football. And the majority of us probably look at those people online talking shit to NFL players and think to ourselves that they’re a bunch of lunatics. But deep down inside, we’re furious at them as well because all we needed was a standard 7-8 point week out of them and we would have been good to go. We would have already locked up the win instead of having to sweat through the Monday night game only to lose in heartbreaking fashion. So while the people who actually take to Twitter to rip dudes for having a shit game are out of their damn minds, they’re just the ones who aren’t afraid to say what we’re all thinking.
Now we get to Steve Smith. Much like everybody on Twitter, Steve Smith loves to talk shit. It’s one of the things in life that he’s best at doing. The man was born to be a shit talker. But the differences between Steve Smith and the rest of the heathens on Twitter are aplenty. For starters, Steve Smith played in the league so I guess he’s allowed to have a little more leeway when it comes to shitting on dudes for playing like trash. It’s different when it’s just some random slob sitting on his couch trying to fire off a tweet with Cheetos dust covering their fingers. But a guy who has damn near 15000 receiving yards and 81 touchdowns…you can say whatever you want.
Then the second difference is probably the most important difference of them all. When you look at everybody who feels the need to rip into a guy on Twitter for ruining their fantasy football team, I’d argue that roughly 99.7% of those people would never in a million years talk that shit to the player’s face. Not Steve Smith. He’ll look you up in the phone book (do they even make phone books anymore?), come to your house, knock on your door, and then slap the shit out of you if you only give him 2 points.
So how about we all just agree to let Steve Smith do all of our fantasy football shit talking for us this year. If a player fucks up and has a shitty week, let’s just leave it up to Steve to let him know about it. No more need to log onto Twitter [dot] com and make a fool out of yourself for being a jackass fan talking shit to a professional athlete. Just trust that Steve Smith will have you and your team’s back while he gets to the bottom of it.